Thoughtful...

I'm not really sure what to write about....

Today has just been a slow, thoughtful day....

Looking at the picture I put up, makes me want to visit the coast again. Right now.

The Lord has placed some things on my heart that have been rather weighty to bear... At least for me. I know that if I would just yield... Just surrender all those words: "I", "me", "my", etc., life would be so easy. He only wants what's best for me, but being the sinful person that I am, I fail to see the bigger picture that he sees. I cling to what I see at my level, what is familiar, what is comfortable. Like a loving shepherd, He has waited patiently on me. I stumble... I falter... I ask why... I don't trust... I stray. Why is this so hard! Yet, each time He has picked me up, and lovingly set me straight again. I don't deserve His mercy.... Yet is staggers me everytime I think about how He died on the cross for ME. Wow. He died for me even though He knew my faults. He knew I would stumble, He knew I would falter, He knew I would stray! But He loves me so much that He ignored it all and took my punishment.

I deserved that punishment. I am not a patient person. Ask my siblings. I do not show mercy enough. Ask my siblings. I do not act like Jesus, like I should! Ask -- my -- siblings.

Thinking about the fact that he died for me, makes me so guilty. HE DIED FOR ME. And yet I still struggle with my waywardness! I still have a hard time completely trusting Him! Grrrrr!

What do I say now? This has been a stretch, writing this down. I don't even know how this all poured out. I sat down thinking I was going to blog about my alpacas.... But somehow those words wouldn't come. Instead these ones came....

~Caitlyn